There Was Nothing Spontaneous About My Sobriety

The Myth of Spontaneity

Lately, I’ve been seeing the term spontaneous sobriety pop up a lot. It’s used to describe a phenomenon where someone suddenly loses their desire to drink without much explanation. No interventions. No dramatic rock-bottom moment. One day, they’re drinking, and the next, they’re not.

For a long time, I described my own sobriety this way. On May 16, 2022, I stopped drinking. It was sudden, and I haven’t looked back since. In the two and a half years that have followed, I haven’t dealt with cravings or withdrawal, and I haven’t wanted a drink. Considering how far my alcoholism had progressed, this feels nothing short of miraculous.

But here’s the thing: as I reflect on my journey, I realize there was nothing spontaneous about my sobriety. Yes, the moment I stopped drinking may have felt sudden, but the groundwork for that moment was years in the making.

The Work Behind the “Sudden” Change

I can’t pinpoint one single thing that made me get sober. There’s no neat answer, no magic pill, no single breakthrough moment. What I can tell you is that I wanted to get sober more than anything—and I tried everything to make it happen.

Here are some of the things I did in my journey to sobriety:

• Read Books: I devoured books on addiction, self-help, and personal growth, looking for insights and strategies that might click. You can read my review of This Naked Mind here.

• Went to Therapy: I spent hours unpacking my thoughts and behaviors with a professional, trying to understand what kept me tethered to alcohol.

• Took Prescription Medication: I explored medical support to manage the physical and mental challenges of quitting.

• Tried Acupuncture: I even turned to holistic approaches, curious if alternative therapies could help me find balance.

• Went to a Medium: Desperate for answers, I opened myself up to unconventional options, hoping for any kind of clarity.

• Joined a Gym and Hired a Trainer: Physical health became a focus. Moving my body and building strength gave me something to channel my energy into.

• Joined an Online Men’s Group: I found community and accountability in spaces where others were also striving to improve their lives.

• Went to AA Meetings: I sat in rooms with people who understood, listening to their stories and sharing my own.

• Assembled a Support System: I leaned on friends and family who wanted to see me succeed. Their encouragement became my lifeline.

• Journaled: I wrote privately, spilling my fears, hopes, and struggles onto the page.

• Shared My Journey Publicly: I began writing about sobriety for others to read, finding purpose in vulnerability.

Each of these efforts played a role, though I’ll never know exactly how. Maybe one was the tipping point. Maybe all of them combined got me there. What I do know is this: the moment I stopped drinking didn’t come out of nowhere. It was the result of years of trying, failing, learning, and trying again.

The Myth of Spontaneity

The idea of spontaneous sobriety can feel misleading. It suggests that someone woke up one day, free from addiction, without effort or struggle. That wasn’t my experience. While the moment I quit drinking felt sudden, it wasn’t random.

What I’ve come to believe is that sobriety isn’t spontaneous—it’s cumulative. It’s the result of every conversation, every book, every meeting, every small step you take toward getting better. Even when it feels like nothing is working, those efforts are building something beneath the surface. And one day, when you’re ready, all that work clicks into place.

Why I Tried Everything

When you’re desperate to get sober, you’ll try anything. That was me. I didn’t know what would work, so I tried it all. Some things stuck. Others didn’t. But I don’t regret a single effort I made because each one moved me closer to the life I have now.

Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just searching for a way out of drinking—I was rebuilding myself. Every therapy session, every meeting, every journal entry was a step toward becoming the person who could live without alcohol.

The Lesson I’ve Learned

If you’re struggling to get sober, here’s what I want you to know: don’t worry about finding the perfect solution. Sobriety isn’t about one thing. It’s about trying, failing, and trying again. It’s about stacking effort on top of effort until something shifts.

Sobriety is about stacking effort on top of effort until something shifts.

And you may not know when that moment will come. For me, it came on a random Monday in May. But the day itself wasn’t special—it was everything that led up to it that made it possible.

Moving Forward

Today, I can say with confidence that I’m living a better, healthier, more fulfilled life. But I’ll never forget how hard it was to get here. That’s why I share my story—not because I have the answers, but because I want you to know that change is possible.

If you’re trying to get sober, keep going. Read the books, go to therapy, talk to people who understand. Build your support system. Try the things that scare you, even if they seem out of the ordinary.

You don’t have to know which effort will be the one that works. You just have to keep making the effort. Sobriety isn’t about perfection or spontaneity—it’s about persistence. And one day, when you least expect it, all that effort might come together.

For me, that day was May 16, 2022. For you, it could be today. Keep going. You’re closer than you think.

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